I became That Guy the other night and now, in hindsight, it was pretty unsettling. By That Guy, I mean the sort of MMO Gamer for whom I’ve always had a mixture of bemused pity and faint scorn, and generally I regard him with a fair degree of smugness, knowing that I could never be him. And then suddenly, there I was, Taking It All Too Seriously.
It was the first time our years-old LOTRO Monday Static Group had all been back online at the same time after a month or two of various absences, and it became apparent that while several of the gang had been off elsewhere, doing other things like holidays, sabbaticals and generally Living, I hadn’t, and had instead been reading wikis, playing stat-craft and min-maxing it up, and of course, dabbling in end-game Pick-Up Grouping.
This PUGing seems to have taught me all sorts of things about life at Level 65 in LOTRO, and not all of it was necessarily a positive education. Certainly I now know how to run T2 Stoneheight, how to ace the School and Library, how to deal with each boss in Samath Gul and what 12-step plan to follow to raise my max morale into the eight thousand plus range that won’t get me a fellowship chat window full of ‘???’ and ‘lol 5.5k tank wtf’ type greetings.
I do also seem to have learnt a number of other things into the bargain though. I now apparently regard dungeons as mere means to a character-improvement end, not adventures, I seem to have lost a great deal of patience somewhere along the way, my expectations have been considerably jacked up and I appear to have really bought into the ideal of The Progression. I’m still trying to work out if I’ve forgotten how to have fun or not.
We tried a variety of challenging six-man tasks, mostly at my achievement-addled insistence. It was our first week back as a proper team, but I didn’t really see that, instead seeing abstract algebras of Success and Failure; 6xL65, we should be here, doing this. Never mind that we’d never done that before, and in most cases, needed to remember how our classes worked, let alone the moves for Boss-Fight Quick-Step-Shuffle #37.
And at the time, it seemed perfectly natural to me that we should just crack to it, push push push, token quotas to be had, gogogogo! It went about as well as could be expected, which was not very, but the most disturbing thing about the whole night was not how many things at which we failed, but how uncharacteristically cross I was about it all. Everyone else seemed polite enough and eventually we logged off, but I can’t help feeling now that I owe a lot of apologies.
Like many human beings, I can indeed be an arse and generally I strive not to be. Perhaps this was just a bad day, but thinking about where I am ‘at’ these days with LOTRO, and by extension, MMOs in general, I do start to see something of a precipice, over which I might have started to stray. The End Game is very much a different game to the Levelling Up Game. I knew that, you knew that, we all knew that, but for the first time in my MMO life, I think I’ve started to see what that means. I’m rarely here at all, but this time is different, in that I’m trying to take it seriously and not just walk away; re-roll, make an alt, try a different game entirely, the usual escapes. I don’t know why, but this time, I’ve decided to dig in, do the work, read the guides, be the best Guardian I can be.
That might be part of it. I like tanking, I’m fairly good at it, and have enough pride to want to be very good at it, whatever ‘good’ means. Perhaps I’m seizing on a very unhealthy definition of what a ‘good tank’ is and investing too much in that. Does a good tank help strangers get at the loot faster? Is that the yardstick? Just whose approval am I after anyway? Five randoms on their own personal loot odysseys, or five good friends with whom I’ve had a lot of laughs?
I find myself mired with divided loyalties and disparate goals. Diminishing returns of fun mount up ahead of me. To go a little further, we must do a lot better, and for an ultimately eye-opening few weeks, I wanted it; I was beguiled. I saw myself up there, doing the raids, farming the marks and tokens, being the best, cultivating not friendships, but associations, contacts, a list of fellow professionals who might be relied upon to further the Progression. All in all possible future me who I don’t think I’d like that much.
That kind of life might be harmless enough for some, but clearly it does strange and unpleasant things to me and I do consider this to be a near miss and wake-up call. I have no idea what next for my 65 Guardian, currently absorbed in improvement for the sake of just improving. Rise of Isengard is here soon, but will merely postpone and not solve this dilemma. I have a 50 Minstrel who is still on the upward journey and I enjoy that, so maybe alts is the answer; repeatedly re-enjoying the journey and rejecting the destination, until the game itself palls. Perhaps my Guardian is finished. Well done, you made it, game over! Restart? Y/N.
As for the Monday Static Group, well, it’s the people that matter and whatever they all want to do, will be just fine with me. Having seen what else might be on offer, what other kind of life there is, I’ve decided that I’m happy enough to just tag along and have good times on voice chat. Whether LOTRO itself is even necessary at this point, I leave to others to decide. All very deep, I’m sure, and a useful reminder of perspective, which you can never have too much of!
7 comments
1 ping
Jef
September 9, 2011 at 7:50 am (UTC 0)
I view life by the pub rules and in this case the pub rules are
A) Do you go to the pub to Min/Max your drinking so you are the drunkest you can be in the shortest time.
B) Have a laugh,relax and been drunk is just a happy bonus.
mbp
September 9, 2011 at 11:02 am (UTC 0)
Given your honesty in recognising what is happening I don’t see this as a major problem. In fact I think you can still enjoy Monday night lols with your friends while pursuing your own min/maxing at other times.
As long as you accept that you personally are not going to make progress on Monday night then your friends will still benefit greatly from your experience and the few thousand extra hit points that you bring to the party.
As a fairly casual player myself I have always been grateful when more experienced players showed me the ropes of new dungeons etc.
gank
September 9, 2011 at 5:50 pm (UTC 0)
“I view life by the pub rules and in this case the pub rules are
A) Do you go to the pub to Min/Max your drinking so you are the drunkest you can be in the shortest time.
B) Have a laugh,relax and been drunk is just a happy bonus.”
I see what you’re saying, but if you have a double scotch before the pints on an empty stomach it does save money which you can use for….. oh, I get it
Stabs
September 10, 2011 at 5:29 am (UTC 0)
I’m very much of the achiever mindset but I don’t think it’s incompatible with being sociable. You do as you’ve realised need to manage it.
In Rift earlier this year my guild hit a point where the game became very achiever-oriented. We’d been able to master the occasional challenge from Expert dungeons without too much fuss but as we moved into raiding it was too much for us. We didn’t get cross or have drama, people just didn’t fancy it much and avoided logging in.
It is definitely an aspect of the way these games are designed. I don’t have a pat answer. I’m tempted to say “move at the speed of the slowest” but I know I’d find that quite frustrating.
Possibly what you might want to consider is not playing your Monday night character outside of your allotted time. Getting out of synch with other people usually leads to tensions. Have an achiever alt and a socialiser main and see if you can get your alt further than your main.
Stemline
September 10, 2011 at 7:18 pm (UTC 0)
Well, judging by what happened in the past, your current phase of awesome Guardianship will pass when you get you go to Isenguard and get your butt kicked by a level 75 dormouse or water vole or something. Remember the goat? Remember the goat?
Tim
September 12, 2011 at 12:10 pm (UTC 0)
I remember The Goat!
It wasn’t that The Goat was difficult or absurd (it was both), but more what The Goat represented; that over the next hill, there is always going to be more powerful livestock.
I should learn from The Goat.
The Goat is always and eternal.
The Goat is always one level higher than you.
The Goat does not care about anything you have done before.
The Goat does not even have the decency to hate you.
The Goat is not the victim.
Beware The Goat!
Stemline
September 13, 2011 at 7:06 pm (UTC 0)
And The Goat says… “Meh Heh Heh!”
Which seems appropriate, for reasons which are not entirely clear.
(Actually, not sure what sort of noise a goat is traditionally supposed to make. Seem to have missed that session of “Farmyard Lessons for Toddlers”.)
Killed in a Smiling Accident. » Blog Archive » Here, invisible yet strong, was the taboo of the old life.
September 12, 2011 at 9:40 am (UTC 0)
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